Artillery Can’t Be Evil If It’s Autographed

Politicians are unable to resist signing a missile for the camera

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky began another visit to the United States on September 22. The goal of his trip was to ensure his American backers would continue to support Ukraine in the war against Russia.

His first stop was Scranton, Pennsylvania where he and Governor Josh Shapiro visited an ammunition factory to thank the workers for helping supply weapons to Ukraine. They all posed for a standard photo op but then took their political theater one step further when Zelensky and Shapiro each signed an artillery shell.

The signing was staged like a twisted sacrament in a Church of War. The shells were solemnly displayed in front of Zelensky and Shapiro and the onlookers watched as the politicians each chose a shell to personalize as their own. I have seen parents watch their child’s first Communion with less reference than the spectators gave to this perverse ritual.

The practice of politicians signing weapons has become more and more common. Nikki Haley and Mike Pence were both photographed signing Israeli weapons in early 2024, but this custom is hardly new. Winston Churchill was photographed signing artillery in the 1940s, but more importantly, these politicians were and are merely imitating the behavior of soldiers.

Messages were written on weapons in World War I and World War II, and the practice is continued today by both sides in the Russian-Ukrainian war. You can find photos of personalized artillery from as early as March 2022, only a few weeks into the conflict.

A twenty-one-year-old Ukrainian student even found a way to use the messages to fundraise for the Ukrainian military. For a few hundred dollars people from around the world can decide what messages are written on weapons before they are fired at other human beings.

I find much of this puzzling, particularly the Ukrainian who used a munition to propose to his girlfriend, but I can understand why soldiers would choose to sign a missile.

Inscribing a weapon with the name of a fallen comrade or a message of defiance is an extension of the battle cries used throughout history. An intimidating shout makes sense during a cavalry charge when your enemy can see and hear you, but when you are firing a missile at your enemy from over one hundred miles away, they cannot hear your cry of bloodlust. Writing “Glory to Ukraine!” on a weapon attempts to fill that role. Not only are you launching a missile at your enemy, you are also sending them your battle cry.

Obviously, the enemy combatants are not meant to read a message on an artillery shell once it is fired, but it is still reasonable that soldiers would want to personalize their munitions. They are the ones on the battlefield facing death. They are the ones depending on these weapons to keep them alive.

When politicians who are not risking their lives join in and start signing weapons, the act quickly becomes a disgusting spectacle. The horrors of war are reduced to a cheerful video designed to gather likes on social media.

These bureaucrats who use war to increase their notoriety are personalizing a weapon that could not be less personal to them. They sign their weapons surrounded by smiling faces but never stick around to witness the carnage those weapons unleash. When it is time for their artillery to be fired, they will be sitting safely behind a desk, blissfully removed from the violence.

Instead of standing on a battlefield to face the death caused by their hawkish policies, our leaders can assess the human cost of their wars through nicely sanitized reports. Lives mercilessly snuffed out appear only as numbers on a clean piece of paper.

This assumes that they look at casualty numbers at all. They could easily avoid such disturbances and only look at the profits of the military-industrial complex or the enemy’s casualty numbers. After all, the warmongers need to make sure their constituents are well paid for the death they export and that their opponent’s military is being weakened.

It reminds me of the time Senator Lindsey Graham met with Zelensky and gleefully said, “And the Russians are dying.” It is a wonder Graham has not been asked to sign a missile meant to kill Russians or Palestinians. Surely this is an item he wants to check off his bucket list.

Of all the recent messages politicians have written on weapons, I could only find a readable picture of Nikki Haley’s. It is just as reprehensible as you would predict.

She wrote, “Finish them! America Heart Israel. Always, Nikki Haley.” It is like Haley thought she was signing a yearbook instead of a weapon designed to rip humans to pieces. She even used a picture of a heart instead of the word “loves.” This is the writing of a high school sophomore, not a political leader with presidential aspirations.

Such unseriousness turns war into a publicity stunt. Tools of destruction become props meant to control public opinion. We are not supposed to concern ourselves with the reality of war. The hawks hope we will simply watch our political celebrities autograph a weapon, give the video a “like,” and not think about how the artillery will be used.

But I cannot help but wonder where these personalized limited-edition missiles will land.

Will Shapiro’s shell take the life of a Russian soldier? Will it accidentally take the life of a Polish farmer? Will it be the missile that flies too far into Russia and finally convinces Russian President Vladimir Putin he should attack NATO troops?

The shells autographed by Haley and Pence have most likely already been fired. They were signed in the northern part of Israel, so they probably landed in Lebanon, but it is impossible to know their final destination.

Did these missiles kill terrorists? Did the Israeli “Where’s Daddy?” automated system send the missiles to destroy a home where children were asleep in their beds? Did they kill newborn twins along with their mother and grandmother while their father was out getting birth certificates only to return and realize that he needed four death certificates?

Was the explosion of a shell signed “America Heart Israel” the last thing a child ever heard?

Even if you somehow believe that Israel is “only defending itself” and Ukraine is fighting against an “unprovoked” invasion, turning weapons of war into pieces of signed celebrity memorabilia is dehumanizing. These pieces of artillery are meant to extinguish life, and they may very well extinguish innocent life.

It is inhuman to revel in such depravity.

Our politicians seem more willing to sign weapons than to sign treaties. Instead of striving for prosperity through peace, they attempt to fuel our floundering economy and fill their own bank accounts through the blood of soldiers in foreign lands. Or the blood of innocent children. Our leaders are not picky.

Thank you for reading! Subscribe and share if you enjoyed the article. The articles I post here are free to read, but you can support my work with a paid subscription or a one-time tip at my ko-fi tip jar. I am profoundly grateful for any support you can give.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your day!

In the Remnant is written by James Wile. His work has been featured at The Libertarian Institute and Antiwar.com. You can follow him on Twitter/X @intheremnant.